However, this week I have had a lot of alone time. I went to Utah on Sunday night, alone. Went to the dentist (my wonderful Uncle Matt...THANK YOU!!!) on Monday morning and then spent most of the day alone. That night I got to hang out with my dad and brothers for a while. But then today aside from a few hours I have been completely alone. I havent really been able to talk to anyone else. Juston is the only one that I constantly talk to and he is now camping. I talked to a few friends a little here and there, but mostly I've been alone. I was really dreading this time. When I started to realize that most of my trip would be spent alone I really debated even leaving. I was going to get my tooth looked at, but also so I wouldn't be spending the week alone while Juston was gone. But, now I am very glad I did come on this trip.
All this time alone has really given me time to think. For a few weeks I have been in a MAJOR rut. I haven't liked my life much at all. I have been extremely lonely. Yes I know, I have had my wonderful husband around me 24/7...how could I be lonely? A lot of it has been me making things worse in my head than they really were. But some of it has been missing having my family close and missing having girlfriends. This may sound like no big deal, but it was getting really bad. I never felt happy, never wanted to go anywhere, always wanted to sit around or sleep. But there was a little turning point a week or so ago. I asked Juston to go running with me at night, even though he worked out for a few hours in the morning. It launched us into a huge discussion, and he helped me figure a lot of stuff out. (thank goodness for wonderful husbands like him) Since then I have slowly started to feel a little better every day.
Sunday night after I got to my grandpas and talked to him for a while I went downstairs and called Juston. We talked for about 2 hours, and I think that was one of the happier two hours of my life. Most of the conversation was about nothing at all. But after we got off I had one of those moments that I realized how wonderful my life really is. I am married to an amazing man. I have a family that really loves me, even from far away. I have friends, but they are just far away right now.
But all of these things that I had been thinking were so bad in my life, I actually realized how good they were. I love that we get to be together so much. I love that we have gotten through so much together this summer. I still don't like having my family so far, but at least I have a family that loves me and would do ANYTHING for me. They are always only a phone call away.
This time alone and away from Juston I have thought of quite a few things I am thankful for, and some things I never realized I loved about being married.
waking up next to the love of my life every morning
snuggling
a shoulder to cry on...no matter how often
an amazing best friend that will never purposely do anything to hurt me
trust
devotion
honesty
love
my family
his family
somewhere to live
an income, no matter how small
grants
the ability to pay for our education
my calling as nursery leader
being able to get to know my inlaws more this summer
I could go on and on. But basically, I have done a complete 180 from where I was a week ago. I know life will never be "easy" or "perfect." But I realize that "easy" and "perfect" are only what we make them. I can decide that my life is easy and perfect if I want. And ya know what, right now it is. I have things that maybe aren't my favorite. But I am learning from those things. I am growing from them. I would rather become a better stronger person through these less favorite things than have a smooth sailing life and never grow. So because I am always growing, my life is perfect. I am loved and blessed. And that is all that really matters.
So friends, family, and husband of mine...thank you. Thank you for making my life so wonderful. Thank you for always being there for me when I need it. No matter if we talk everyday or not. I love you all very much! You all make my life just that much more wonderful!
2 comments:
I love you too!!! Why didn't you tell me you were having problems? You can call me to talk whenever you want. I would love to talk to you!!! And just to let you know I read this all the time, so I can keep up with your life.
Love,
Erin :)
Oh Brighton, I completely understand you. Thank you for sharing yourself with everyone online. I think that we're all going to have those up and down days. I was complaining so much for so long about being sick. I'm always sick and it exhausts me and I hate it, but then I had a lot of light come about how lucky I was to have a body that had all of the limbs and I'm able to live a pretty normal life, and I have an incredible husband to take care of me. ANyways, I love you.
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