Longest night of my life

Well, I guess now is as good a time as any to write about tonight. I'm currently sitting in the hospital with Juston.

Tonight started as normal as any other. Juston got home from work and we cooked dinner together. Aka, he cooked while I watched Jackson and interjected my opinion here and there. We made chicken noodle soup and it took longer than expected. While it was finishing I gave Jackson a bath and then we all read scriptures, said prayers, and put him to bed. When he was in bed we went downstairs, ate, and watched dark night returns. It was a generally really good night together.

Since Juston has been sick we haven't been cuddling or sleeping in the same bed. I have basically hated it. It's always nice to me to have those few minutes together of peace. It is just a time I feel like we get to remember that no matter what has happened during the day we have each other. We are each others number one. So basically, I've really missed that. It was so nice to have that tonight. He almost always falls asleep before me and tonight was no different. Thank heavens.

A few minutes after he fell asleep (this is getting really hard to write....) he started screaming, shaking, and just seeming really awful. I did not know what to do. I screamed and screamed at him to tell me what was happening. I really and truly thought he was dying. It was the most terrifying experience of my entire life. While he was doing this I called 911 and was freaking out to them. She got an ambulance on the way and helped me a little. I told her I needed to call my parents so she said ok and to call immediately if he stopped breathing. I called my dad hoping he was home. But no answer and he wasn't home. ( for anyone that doesn't know he's a paramedic) so I called my moms phone and screamed for her to come immediately. She didn't even know what I had said or who it was about. Then I called my neighbor because she could come immediately. Which she did. Basically from here out is a blur.

Nitosha came over and I was screaming that Juston was having a seizure. She called her husband to come. She kept me downstairs and tried to calm me. The paramedics got there and she directed them upstairs. Oh, somehow during the phone calls Juston made it from the bed to the door. He calmed down a little and then seized again. But I never saw him as himself again before he went to the hospital. While the paramedics were there my mom and sister Dakota got there. They kept me sitting in the kitchen so I wouldn't see them carry Juston down the stairs.

Somewhere in all of this I told the story a million times, someone got clothes and phones and wallets and all of that. I don't really know what happened. Nitosha and Kyle called chyler, our elders quorum president and friend. He came immediately to help with blessings. They gave me one before we left for the hospital. They also came and gave Juston one. Oh, we also couldn't get ahold of justons parents so we called his aunt to help tell them. Forever grateful for her.

We got to the hospital and they wouldn't let us see Juston. I was having such a hard time waiting and not knowing. Thankfully my dad was able to talk to the medics and Juston and let us know he was doing ok. He was awake and talking. That helped a lot. We were finally allowed back and got to see him. He seemed ok, just very white and not really knowing what happened.

Basically since then we have found out everything looks normal and they don't know why he seized. We have to stay overnight so he can see a neurologist and internal medicine doctor in the morning. We are still in the ER room and it sucks. Thankfully Juston has been sleeping. My mom is still here with me and I am so so grateful.

I still feel like I'm a little in survival mode. I just am taking things moment by moment. I know everything will be ok. It is just the worst, most scary thing I have ever been through in my whole life. I think I'm going to try to see my dr tomorrow to make sure the baby is ok from all the stress.

So, that's tonight. I'm glad I wrote it out. It was hard to live it again. But hopefully now I can stop playing it over and over in my head. I'm so so afraid something horrible is going to happen to him. I am just praying so hard everything is ok. I have faith if will be. I am just scared...


Oh, some tender mercies I need to remember.
One, everyone answered their phones when I needed it most.
Two, I had debated taking a shower before bed (I REALLY) need one, but chose not to. If I had I would've been in the shower when this happened.
Three, Jackson slept through my screaming and all the commotion. Thank heavens. I could not have taken care of him.

I am do grateful for our Heavenly Father and knowing he's looking out for me and my family.