Random Thoughts and Feelings

I don't really have a big update today.  But I've found that blogging and just getting thoughts out there has helped me to process all of this.  So as I sit to write this I'm not exactly sure what I want to write.  I just know I want to. (if you know me and my thoughts on writing,  you should find this extremely weird)

Anyway.  I have been EXTREMELY emotional today.  I know a lot of it is because of how tired I am.  I always get more emotional when I'm tired.  But I know it is also because there is just so much happening in our lives.  I have definitely learned that I need to take this all one day at a time.  Well, more like moment at a time.  This is just so hard for me.  It's hard that Juston can't be alone very much right now.  It's hard that he can't really watch Jackson without me there.  It's hard that I still have some morning sickness.  It's hard to not have energy.  I think I could go on and on.  This is just really hard.

But, with all of these hard things I have found that Heavenly Father really is watching out for us.  Every single one of those hard things I can name something or someone that has helped to relieve some of the burden. There have been friends offering to hang out with Juston so I can teach preschool or run errands without having to worry or drag him along.  The Relief Society set up dinners for the next few days.  Tomorrow after preschool Juston will be at work (he's attempting it because it will be a slow/short day) and his mom will have Jackson.  I will have 2 or 3 hours that I can take a nap!  People have randomly texted or called to see how I am doing.  People have messaged us telling us they know what we are going through because they have/are going through it too.

I am also very grateful for the Priesthood.  Today between medicine doses I asked Juston for a blessing of comfort.  I thought it would be mostly about the stress with Juston.  It wasn't at all.  It was to know everything would be okay with this baby.  I knew I was stressed about it, but I guess I was more stressed than I realized.  I should have realized it.  I've tried to go to the doctor and cried when it didn't work out.  But it really did bring a lot of comfort.

We were able to get Juston's Internal Medicine appointment moved to this Wednesday.  I'm excited and anxious to go.  I want to know more about the EEG and what it all means.  I want to just get some answers.  I feel like we don't really have any right now.

I have read blogs in the past of people that have gone through things similar to this (or much worse).  They have said that they long for their old life back but when they think about it they really don't.  I was thinking about that a lot today.  I was wishing things were different and easier.  While yes, I do wish for things to calm down and not be so stressful, I don't really want our "old life" back.  We have always been close but this has made us a whole new level of close.  We have also learned to really rely on the Lord a lot more than before.  Just in the last few days I have seen so much growth in myself and in us.  I have gotten a strength I didn't know I had.  So yes, I am looking forward to the sleep and not drugged up husband but I wouldn't take back this trial.

And just like that, I feel a little better.  Thanks blogging world for helping me organize and sort through my thoughts and feelings.